motherhood

Choosing God’s Narrative

/ Jen Maynard / Leave a comment

109393787_birdsWhat narrative are you believing? What labels do you allow to identify you?

The stories people tell about us, become our identity when we don’t purposely CHOOSE God’s narrative.

God says, ” I love you for who you are, not for what you can do.” Man says, ” I love you for what you do and not for who you are.”

Knowing this, we still fall into the roles we use to hang our worth on. Beautiful. Smart. Competent. Go-Getter. Tenacious. Superwoman. Got-It-All-Together. Perfect Wife. Efficient. Perfect Mom. Career. Wealth. Generous. ____________Fill in the blank.

We fear that if people really knew we weren’t the epitome of our labels, we would be rejected and lonely. If we aren’t hustling and achieving, then who is going to give accolades to feed our need for affirmation? We’ve shifted our focus on filling our tank with man pleasing instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus.

Have you ever thought about life, living in total freedom to be you? The YOU that God created, not the you that you try to be? I love the picture of the birds in this blog post. Such a good reminder of the uniqueness and way God designs each of us. Only we can be us. Only you can be you. Only they can be them. Why try to be a copy when you were made an original? Sure, not overtly copy another person, but inwardly harbor envy over another person’s strengths or gifting. Meanwhile your unique strengths and gifting is laying dormant at the door of a falsely created identity. Internal turmoil breeds in dissatisfaction.

When we choose God’s narrative, there is peace and freedom. It’s where abundant life is found. When we look back at our own narrative that we tried to write, we’re tired, anxious and most likely endured a lot of pain in the process.

I’m not saying, God’s narrative is pain-free or conflict-free. What I am saying is that He promises to work all things together for our good. We can’t do that on our own.

When we get to the root of wanting to write our own story, ultimately it’s rooted in fear, and lack of trust. We struggle letting go of the pen because we can’t grasp fully that He is for us. That He is good and that He knows what is best. We believe, we do.

Stop striving, stop looking for that next affirmation from those around you, stop over-compensating and over-thinking. Stop hustling for man’s accolades and sit at the feet of Jesus. Stop. Breathe in and stop.

Being set free and walking in freedom are very different things. One was done for us and the other one we choose. Choose to give up control and walk in freedom. We create burdens that we were never meant to carry when we write the story.

Let go of the pen and allow God to write the story of your destiny. Your purpose, ultimately fulfilled in Him. “God intended that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. 28‘For in Him we live and move and have our being.” Acts 17:27-28

❤ Jen

Speak Life To Yourself

/ Jen Maynard / Leave a comment

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Did you know we can mentally affirm things and not really believe them? We do this all the time. For instance when someone pays us a compliment, “You look amazing!”….. we respond (most likely) with a sheepish nod and “thanks.” How about when we read the Bible and come across a verse like “You are fearfully and wonderfully made”, we mentally agree, but the reality is we don’t believe it.

What we believe comes out in our actions. And, by our actions, we prove that we don’t really believe that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And, by our speech, we prove that we don’t really believe it either because of the things we say to ourselves.

Walking in freedom and wholeness requires action on our part. Jesus set us free, but we have to choose to walk in it. We choose to move forward.

Transformation takes place as the mind is renewed. Renewing the mind is NOT a one time event. It requires daily maintenance. Without daily maintenance, the mind is over-taken with negativity.

Here’s the deal:

Your perspective is how you think about things, but there is a very important step that takes place before perspective and that is perception. Perception is how you see things. Matthew 6:22, Jesus tells us

“Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!”

If you can’t see things clearly, you’ll never think about things correctly.

Perception affects Perspective.

We need to back up and check our perception lenses, I like to call it “Perception Deception”- because, if the enemy can keep your perception blurred, you’ll never walk in true freedom and wholeness.

Start cleaning the lens of your perception today by speaking life to yourself. Say it over and over again until it moves from your head to your heart.

❤ Jen

The Best Guide

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The best guide in community is someone who has been through the valley. I would trust someone who has been through the valley, versus someone who knows about the valley.

There is credibility in experience.

The experience of going through gives credibility, and the fact that they survived & can lead you through the same valley is a beautiful example of how healed people heal people.

People who have been THROUGH some stuff, can go back and help other people THROUGH their stuff.

See, when we hit a point in our journey where things are challenging and we are facing the unexpected, we have a choice. We can try to navigate our way through uncharted territory with the advice of someone who may know about the path, but never walked it. Or, we can find someone to take our hand and lead us down the path they have already traveled.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Cor 1:4

God comforts us and we comfort others. This is how the body of Christ is supposed to work.

It’s built on compassion.

❤ – Jen

 

The Atmosphere Of Your Home

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Have you checked the atmosphere of your home lately? I’m not talking about physical temperature or humidity. I want you to step back and see what kind of atmosphere you are creating in your home. Is it an atmosphere of love, safety and kindness or is it an atmosphere of anxiety, fear and disconnection? Atmosphere is the pervading tone or mood of a place. You’ve noticed the atmosphere of a place before. Walking into someone else’s house, you can tell if it is a place of peace or unrest. Remember, peace does not mean perfection. It’s the tone or mood of a place. 

A stressed out maxed out mom creates an atmosphere of anxiety and fear which causes disconnection within the family instead of  connection. In Proverbs 14:1 it says “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” The word “builds” used in this passage translates from the original Hebrew word banah which means “to cause to flourish”. A household is either thriving, surviving or dying. It’s either being built up, barely floating or it’s being torn down. A wise and godly woman makes her home a place of security, comfort, peace and joy; while a foolish and irresponsible woman neglects her home and family. The wise woman creates a safe place. Is your home a safe place? The foolish woman’s home is not safe, there is little comfort and there is no peace or joy. 

It’s heart breaking to watch moms tear down the homes that they worked to build. I’m sure they never started the journey thinking that they would sabotage what they labored to create. So how does a mom go from building up to tearing down? The answer is found in Romans 8:6, “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” When our gaze is shifted from God, and begins to focus on our flesh, we start tearing down. This is evident through our thoughts, words and actions. 

The Bible clearly tells us what guards our hearts and mind. Philippians 4:4-9 gives us the prescription for building the things required to cause our homes to flourish.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

1. Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.

2. Let your reasonableness (gentleness) be known to everyone.

3. Do not be anxious about anything

4. Pray about everything and be thankful

5. Choose what you think about and focus on

When you do these things it says the PEACE of God that no one will understand, will GUARD your MIND and your HEART.

Let’s flip the script and look at how a woman tears down her home:

1. Always complaining and finding fault. Just plain ole’ negative.

2. Unreasonable, angry and harsh. Short-tempered.

3. Anxious about everything, always worrying.

4. Never praying and always talking. Doesn’t feel thankful.

5. Chooses to think and focus on everything that is wrong instead of what is right and good. 

There is no way we can operate in the  5 things listed for building up without the power of the Holy Spirit. The flesh cannot and does not operate in those things. But, if you’re like me and find yourself or have found yourself slipping into the habits of the flesh listed how a woman tears down her home, there is HOPE!! We can reset and repent. We can choose to be led by the Spirit of God and cause our homes to flourish. I don’t know about you, but I NEED my heart and mind guarded by God’s peace. Motherhood is hard. I need guarded from the arrows of difficult seasons and the crushing blows of living in a fallen world. 

We know when we fall into the pit of complaining, being negative, angry and focusing on the wrong, are the times we are not staying connected to God. We aren’t praying, we aren’t spending time in his presence being filled and fueled for our purpose and calling to our families. It would be completely understandable if our moods matched our messes. That’s how the world operates. But, the peace that passes all understanding, makes no sense. That means, I can walk through the biggest of messes, the craziest of conflicts and my mood won’t match what I’m walking through because my mind and my heart are guarded. His peace is my peace and it doesn’t make sense. That will cause people to notice and question your hope. Peter said in 1 Peter 3:15 to be ready to give an answer to everyone who asks the reason for the hope that you have. 

Let’s walk through some examples of how this plays out and how we can choose to change our responses. We can choose to build and not tear down.  Many times these things become habits in our lives. We automatically say and do things without thinking first. Transformation takes place through renewing the mind. We have to make deliberate choices. The atmosphere of our home is the result of our choices. In order to change the atmosphere, we have to change our choices. 

1. Rejoice always: Cultivate joy. Praise the Lord! Play praise and worship music and sing loud. The Bible mentions a sacrifice of praise. Sometimes, our praise is a sacrifice. We don’t feel it, but we have to reach deep within us and exchange our pain, sadness and disappointment for the joy of the Lord. Praise removes the focus from our circumstances and places our focus on God. When we praise, it postures our heart into a place of humility and leaves no room for complaining or negativity. Psalm 103:1 “Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me, bless his holy name.” Sometimes you have to tell yourself to BLESS THE LORD. All that is within me will bess the Lord! Those are the moments when the enemy would love for your lips to come into agreement with him and complain, accuse, find fault and wallow in negativity. 

2. Let your reasonableness (gentleness) be known to everyone: This one may sting a little. I know. How many times do we walk in hypocrisy by treating outsiders better than we treat our insiders, our family? What about when the kids would rather stay in public because they get nice mommy, but as soon as they go home, nice mommy goes away and they get mean mommy. I was shopping in a clothing store and saw a little boy about 6 years old with his mother. He was behaving fine, but his mother wanted a stiff robot who wouldn’t move. I looked over as she grabbed him by the jacket collar , trying to hid the fact that she was pinching his ear and in the deepest harshest voice that could come from her mouth, she said, “Don’t you try me in this store, you understand! “ The boy was wide eyed staring at his mom confused because he hadn’t misbehaved. Then as she turned the corner of the rack, she saw Sister Opal from her church. I laughed in my head as she slid her arm from pulling his ear and jacket collar to around his shoulder in a loving side hug. “Hi Sister Opal! How are you?” That mom knew her behavior was wrong, she wouldn’t have tried to hide it from Sister Opal if she didn’t. She began speaking in such a soft lovely voice to her son and Sister Opal. A vast contrast to the harsh bass voice that she has just used to address her son. This is a prime example of how we show reasonableness to those on the outside, but those on the inside get our unreasonableness. 

Here is a good way to change your perspective and catch yourself when to are tempted to be angry, short-tempered and harsh. Think about how you connect and communicate with your family versus your friends or other adults. How would your girlfriends respond if you spoke to them the way you speak to your children? What about if you treated them the way you treated your children in those moments of unreasonableness? I would be willing to guess that some of us would not have those girlfriends for very long, they would not be willing to endure our unkindness,  harshness and anger. I know if one of my girlfriends grabbed me by the jacket collar and pinched my ear while speaking very harshly, they wouldn’t be one of my girlfriends very long. There is a deception in the church where people believe they get a free pass for sin in their homes. God sees all and knows all, just because it’s behind a closed door doesn’t mean he doesn’t see and know. I have seen and listened to church kids come to my home and talk about how they are treated at home versus the pretty facade that’s displayed on social media and in public. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Where there is instability, there is fear and anxiety. Let your reasonableness, your gentleness be known to ALL, including your children. 

3. Do not be anxious about anything: This one is hard if you have experienced past trauma which we will discuss in another chapter. This verse prefaces do not be anxious with THE LORD IS AT HAND. In other words, he is with you! Ultimately, anxiety spoken about in this verse deals with being distracted with worry in a negative sense, like a lack of trust. Trust is hard for some people especially those who have been through past trauma and adverse childhood experiences. But, this clearly talks about choosing to trust God by praying and talking to him about everything that concerns you. Let all your requests be made known. That means that there is nothing too small or too big for you to talk to God about. When we make our requests known to God through prayer with thanksgiving, it opens the door for him to move on our behalf. The next time you catch yourself worrying about something you have already prayed about, pray some more. Worry is a distraction that never accomplishes anything. 

4. Pray about everything and be thankful: There is a difference between talking & texting about your problems and praying about them. I crack up when I see status prayers on social media. Sure, God sees what you typed, but, is it more for people to see what your feeling and going through than it is a sincere prayer to God? How can we know the heart and character of God if we never speak to him? Prayer changes things. It changes our circumstances and it changes us when our circumstances don’t change. Prayer is the oxygen of the life surrendered to God. Acts 17:28 says, “In him we live, move and have our being.” That’s where I want to be and stay, in him. We can pray giving thanks for what he has already done and what he is about to do. Think about your kids, how sweet Is it when they say , Thank you mommy for _________.” Fill in the blank. Praying about everything keeps us in a dependent place with God, instead of making decisions that put us in the position of God. Many times we put ourselves on the throne of our heart and don’t even realize that we are operating in the flesh. Prayer keeps us connected. Prayerlessness will keep us disconnected and unthankful. Instead of being thankful we become entitled. 

5. Choose what you think about and focus on: I have walked through some very dark seasons of hurt, pain and rejection. Those seasons were specifically challenging for me for this reason. Choosing what I thought about was challenging. It was so easy to default to thinking about everything that was wrong and negative. I would focus on things I didn’t have or things I had lost instead of thinking on things that were good or things I did have. It’s hard to be grateful when you are stuck in the negative. Your thoughts are powerful and turn into words and actions. In order for our heart and mind to be guarded by the peace of God that no one will understand, it requires us to choose our thoughts. We have to focus on things that are true, honorable, pure, just, lovely, anything worthy of praise. In order to think on things that are true, we have to reject the lies of the enemy. In order to reject lies, we have to be able to identify what is a lie and what is truth.  Thinking on things worthy of praise means we will have to search for the gold sometimes. We get to be a detective and find the goodness and honorable thing to focus on. It’s all about perception and perspective. Perception is how we see things and perspective is how you think about things. If your perception is muddled, then your perspective will always be off.

❤ Jen

Breaking The Cycle Part 1: Seed Planters

/ Jen Maynard / Leave a comment

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Changing The Language of Parenting: Seed Planters

Parenting is hard work. You’ve been entrusted with a human to raise, train and disciple. An 18 year minimum commitment to a life that looks to you for every basic need. That’s overwhelming to think about, but God knew what He was doing and He gave us a manual to follow. The Bible is the ultimate parenting manual. The Word is living and active. “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” 2 Timothy 3:16

I want you to put on some glasses that will change your perspective for a few minutes. I want you to look at your child’s heart like a garden. Have you ever marveled at the process of planting seeds and watching them bloom? Seeing something beautiful and amazing blossom from the tiny seed that was planted? It reminds me of the power and potential packed in those little seeds. The content of the seed determines the value. Now look at the garden of your child’s heart. What do you see?

Did you know that as a mom, we are planting seeds everyday, multiple times a day? We have a choice though…we can choose to plant seeds of life or plant weeds. Our words and actions determine the kinds of seeds we plant in the hearts of our children.

Have you ever noticed the power a word carries? Certain words evoke certain emotions within us. Words that we may be immune to can plant seeds in another person that will grow fear, rejection, resentment, self-hatred, insecurity…..the list goes on.

As confessing Jesus followers, our job as parents is to train, to plant good seeds into good soil. He blessed us with a child(ren) to steward; arrows to craft for His kingdom. Too many children growing up in Christian homes are leaving the church when they hit adulthood*.  We have to break the cycle of broken children through our language, actions, the lies we believe and start walking in humility.

I truly believe that how we parent our children is a direct reflection of how we view God, our Father. If we are angry militant parents, we view God as an angry militant father. That is not a true reflection of God that our children see lived out through us in everyday life.

Seeds of punishment. Punishment is a word that has been accepted in the everyday language of parenting, without thought. The thought goes something like this, “My child disobeyed, so I inflict punishment. That’s the responsible thing to do, the Bible says so.” But, what does the Bible ACTUALLY say? In 1 John 4:18 it says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Punishment produces fear in our children and out of fear, we punish, because we want to control. The cycle starts and seeds are planted.

Name calling, threats and shaming, plant seeds of insecurity, self-hatred and rejection. Our response in a moment of frustration can have lasting affects. The plan of Jesus is redemptive, the plan of parenting should be redemptive not condemning. We don’t get a free pass to sin in our parenting. And we certainly won’t be able to remove all the weeds we planted out of frustration and anger once they leave home.

We need to remove words like punishment, fear, control, manipulation, accusations, name calling, threats and shaming from our parenting tool box. These are not fruitful tools provided by our Heavenly Father to cultivate good soil for good seeds. The Bible tells us in John 10:10 that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. These commonly accepted words and methods are tools from the enemy. They do not bring LIFE. They are like weeds planted in the garden.

Did you know that weed seeds are unique? Here are some interesting facts about weeds.

  1. They produce lots of seeds and multiply rapidly.
  2. The seed of a weed can sometimes survive for a very long time in the soil, laying dormant and then sprouting as soon as conditions are right.
  3. They are able to establish quickly, sometimes they sprout up in a blink.
  4. They can grow in inhospitable environments.

Words that bring LIFE are kind, gentle, loving, pure, good and useful for building up. Our words should build up, not tear down.

The content of a seed is what determines it’s value. If I gave you an old torn up box with $1,000 inside, the value is in the content of the box. If I gave you a beautiful box wrapped with pristine silky ribbon and inside it contained rotted meat, the box didn’t determine the value, the content did. You can’t change the characteristics that make a weed what it is.

Weeds choke out life! The parable of the sower teaches us the importance of planting good seed in good soil.

We can break the cycle by intentionally changing the language of our parenting. We can plant seeds of life. Words are habits. Breaking habits take discipline and require work, but the reward is amazing.

God calls us to train and disciple. Ephesians 6:4 in the amplified says:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with loving kindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I used the Amplified version to show emphasis on breaking down the meaning.  The word father in the original Greek, translates to mean both mother and father.

Don’t let one bad day become an excuse for every day! The Lord’s mercies are new every morning, we don’t have to default to parenting in our own strength. Each day we can choose to clothe ourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; and plant seeds of life.

Discipleship (discipline) = Strength and Good Seeds

Punishment (control) = Weakness and Weed Seeds

❤ Jen

*Barna.org